Pleasures

Today as I was writing in my workout blog... I was talking about my giving into temptation... Of M&M's... You know what was so funny?? I was thrilled, excited, in luxury... By something that I had always just bought before without thinking about it. Before God put fitness onto my heart... I would think nothing of going out, buying a big bag of M&M's and eating as many as I want.... I enjoyed them, craved them, but never really felt any relief in the eating of that craving. Today.. I still crave them.. somedays more than others... But they are worth more now. The same item, same price(money), same easiness to purchase, and same flavor.... Yet they are worth much more now.
When I was walking out of the store, I thought of the times when I was growing up and didn't have any money. I thought of the excitement, thrill, sense of adventure I felt in my little heart as I peddled my bike to the store on the otherside of our plat. 1st we were never allowed to go that far, 2nd we never HAD money to buy anything, 3rd we was never bought candy. I remember whenever we DID earn a dollar by cleaning a yard, babysitting, whatever.. And if by some fluke mom would say, OK to us ridding our bike to the store to use that earned money. I remember the feel of wind in my hair, the grins on mine and my brothers faces (only time I can remember not arguing the fact he was made to go with me), the money safely tucked into our pockets, the lists of what we could get in our heads and the freedom we felt. I remember the careful selection of candies, checking prices, wanting the most for our money. OH, and the feel of the curb under our butts as we sat on the side of the parking lot ripping into our treasure. We never made it out of the parking lot before we "took a break". It was glorious. Yesterday... I had a step back in time. I never made it out of the parking lot... I sat (in a car this time) with the open bag in my hand, and took time out of a busy day to enjoy.
Its not something I couldn't do everyday ----if I choose............ But its better, I have come to realize, this way..... Gods way. With rules, with limitations, with guidance, with surrender, with obedience, with doing HIS will. Something as simple as a 79 cent bag of candy, taught me something. Simple Pleasures. I can not remember a single other bag of candy I have had since being and adult, able to drive to the store whenever I wanted.... (Remember saying that as a kid? When I grow up I will buy candy ALL the time, have cupboards full of them~ my son said it the otherday) I never enjoyed, took the time to really appreciate the small gift... til yesterday...
Maybe that was what God was trying to get thru this thick head... Spoiled heart...And calloused tasted buds..... By structure, by living how HE wants me to live... Its not what you can't have... Its what it means to feel childlike again... Maybe that is why He emphasizes so much in "come to me like a child"..... I felt freedom, love, peace, joy, excitement, adventure, pleasure, & fulfillment.

Today-- Amelia (women's home) and I were talking about a vision God had given me the other day... I saw a man in humble clothing holding a hand of a child, walking along a beach.... I knew the man was God and the boy was Sim. I scribbled down in my journal what God was speaking to my heart.. How Sim walks with God. Now see, I was like "I know that God." But a part of me was thinking... But God, he does things that I know are needing changed. So how can he be so close to you? Of course He straighten me out... Saying its not for you to say, think, or try to "fix". He and I walk together... I am taking this time in our walks to correct him. God then went on to say,,, "just like I walk with you, walk with others.... Its personal.. Between me and them... My time to correct..To enjoy.. To be their Father." I saw this boy run off, grab a sea shell, bring it back grabbing His hand and show it... I could feel the corrective words at his letting go of his hand, yet see how he admired the shell and didn't stop walking with him like was before he let go. I didn't understand the shell... This vision... And told Sim about it that night.

Today.... I listened to Joyce Meyers and how in Ps 86:17 David cried out to the Lord.... "Show me a sign of your goodness.....For you Lord have helped me, comfort me."NIV... She was talking about how it is personal... How it is between us an God.. His love is so agape for us, He choose us, me. She talked about how she loves starbucks coffee, it brings her pleasure... She said she prays this prayer.. Has read everything she could get her hands on about love... She knew He loved her, but never Knew-knew... She went on to talk about how God shows her signs..... How strangers will come up and give her coupons for starbucks coffee.... Now she points out that she could afford to buy them, but God provides her pleasures... Free.
I got thinking about this.... Amelia and I were talking about all of it... And had understanding today....... God wants me to see my walk as personal... He takes time for ME! I too will pray that prayer.. "Show me signs of your goodness Lord" and will add... "Lord please help me to SEE them as signs..Help me be aware of your wonderful love gifts to me. To not take them for granted or overlooked." Just like that M&M pack yesterday... The 1st time simple pleasure in years.... That was a gift from a daddy who loves me. He is my TRUE VALENTINE. ~ and HE gave me a valentine early. Sealed with Love.